Flaccid Rock

Dear S,

I usually check the paper to see how you are doing but yesterday I did not expect to see what I did. A big picture of you scowling out at me with a story telling me how you have been sent down for two years.

I've been thinking about you alot since I've seen that. The picture of you brought back a lot of memories of us together, and although it f***ed up royally between us, we did have a lot of good times. I was telling A about the time you got me arrested for theft of an automobile. It made me smile thinking of all those hours in that police cell, the things I did for you! I remember sitting on your bed drinking that crappy beer, the only thing we could afford, then getting in that tiny single bed together and doing those things we used to do. You never told me but I knew I was your first. You were so eager to please and so insecure that first time. But you were always there for me when I needed you, things weren't so good with my parents and I could always run to you and you would be there with open arms.

I was so upset when we split up, I'm sorry my friends said what they said to you, I didn't realise they had my phone. I was so drunk I wouldn't have been able to tell you if I had my head or not. And when we finally lost contact for good there wasn't a day when I didn't look out for you in Town or ask your cousin if she had heard from you.

Then I found out you had a new girlfriend. And she had had your baby. We had always talked about kids one day but you were more now and I was frightened. I didn't want to throw my life away at 15 to spend the rest of my life changing nappies while I watched you go out with your friends to have the nights out that I should be having. But now I might be in 'the family way' I've realised it might not be so bad. Thinking about it now, if I seen you tomorrow and you were single, there would be nothing stopping me from taking what I wanted and that would be you.

I wonder now if your girlfriend will wait for you. If she'll cope being on her own for two years, giving birth to her second child without you being there. Were you at the first? You probably were. No offence but I think she'll probably run off with the first man who offers his shoulder to cry on and his bed to lie in. That's nasty of me to say but I believe that. Maybe it's because I would find it hard to cope without the father of my children by my side whilst I raised two young children.

I remember the day I went to court with you. I was so scared they were going to take you away from me. I couldn't believe it when you joked with a friend outside the court, this was serious!!

The night before you had looked so upset and when I gave you the photo you asked for with my address on the back you looked at me so sadly. My heart broke and I couldn't help it when I cried. I thought I was going to lose you. Do you still have that photo? I hope so.
And that day when you went to court when I had to go to school. I broke down in tears in my lesson and L had take me outside to calm down.

But the thing is I'll doubt you'll ever change. You'll probably always be in trouble with the law and I really think, in my heart of hearts, that you and your children deserve better. I hope being inside helps you, hun, I really do. Give me a call when you need someone to pick up the pieces.
I've done it before.

Love Sam xXx

Labels: Badboy

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