Tuesday, July 18, 2006
My Relationship With Badboy
Here you go, Nikki!
Well, it was kinda obvious who I was gonna go with don't you think? The grass is always greener and all that jazz. I had a guy pledging his undying love, and a guy kissing my best mate. Simple.
When Badboy took me home to met his mother, I didn't know what to expect. I certainly didn't expect a big girl like herself, with tiger tattoos and a fearsome reputation. And I certainly did not expect her to pull me aside, sit me down and have the strangest conversation of my life. Please bear in mind I was 15 at the time, him 17. 'I'm so glad my boy's decided to settle down' she says, looking straight at me, 'I'ma hoping you'll do him some good'. 'Well', I say, putting on a smile, 'I'll do my best'. 'Have you two thought about getting a flat together, maybe making me some grandkids?' she says. This is around the time my heart stopped beating. She was SHITTING me right? I mean, this had to be some kind of test, right? Wrong. Mama Badboy was serious, and I was in a whole lot of trouble.
Badboy had his heart set on some baby making too. About one week together, and his friends were asking if I was knocked up yet, Doris was already Godmother to our yet unconcieved child. His family had opended up and swallowed me whole. About this time, I was in Out Of School Education (where you get sent when you shouldn't really be playing with other kids) and here, I went to school 3 times a week, for 5 hours. The rest of the time was spent with Badboy.
Some times, we just lay in bed and watched tv. Sometimes we talked. But mostly it was shoplifting, drinking beer and driving around. And argued. I can't forget the arguing, can I? Once he took a knife, and sat at the top of the garden, and cut himself. It was a message to me 'Whatever you do, I can do better'. We once had a stand off in the kitchen, both holding kinives to our wrists, pleading with each other not to hurt themselves. The reason for the stand off? I had collapsed on his bathroom floor with a screaming flashback, someone touching me, fucking me, being too drunk to stop them. Badboy was my saviour, and my downfall. He made all the bad things I had go away, yet gave me new ones. I loved him with my whole heart, believing I had finally found the Clyde to my Bonnie, the Prince Eric to my Ariel. I was his princess, and his bitch.
Our sex life was fanatastic. The only problem? No protection. He wanted babies, and I wanted to give them to him. Of course, I didn't want to get pregnant, or have a child, but I wanted him, and giving him what he wanted was my new goal in life. I remember sitting up after sex, everytime, hoping and praying that it would all fall out, and we would be fine. I remember us deciding on names for the baby so we knew what to call the baby when I did get pregnant. I decided on Joshua for a boy, and Jennifer for a girl. To this day, I will always name my children those names we picked together, even if they're not his.
Our relationship lasted about five months. It may not seem long to anyone else, but it lasted a lifetime to me. Having sex in the park, when we had an argument at college (and that's why I'm not welcome there anymore) and he put his fist through a window, when he rubbed my feet whilst I forced him to watch Spongebob Squarepants with me, him feeding me yogurt, when he threatened me with a knife, stealing microwaves from Woolworths, sleeping on the streets, wearing sexy underwear his mother bought for me. It was a helluva ride.
Like when I got arrested with him. He was driving without a licence and they caught him, and me. Six hours I spent in a cell for him, me singing to piss off the pigs, laughing cause they couldn't stip search me (there was no female officer present) and wolf whistling at Badboy when they stripped him. I would have gone to hell and back for him. At this point, my daddy had thrown me out, I had no clothes, no phone, nothing except for an Eminem CD and a make up bag. I was living with Badboy, wearing his clothes, his mother buying me underwear and some tops (you get it now, dontcha?), barely eating. The night before I had stayed at a dealers house before running off because the pigs turned up, then sleeping under a car. The dealer found me and took me to Badboys because I was cold, drunk and upset. I remember waking Badboy up, climbing into bed with him, starting to do it before his brother walked in! Classic!
I was living his life now. To get money, you need to sell things. Things like microwaves, toasters, tires, anything. I remember playing lookout whilst they stole microwaves from Woolworths, just picking them up and walking out for them. The money went on cars and paying back debts. And beer. The cheapest, nastiest beer you can imagine. We hung out at his friends' flats, drinking our cheap beer, smoking pot, and making out. Some of time I was left with the girlfriends, listening to them talk about how their men beat them, about their children, and looking at them in their cheap clothes with their sad faces. What could I do? I was one of them.
Finally, my father allowed me home. When I say he allowed me, I mean he and my mother turned up at Badboy's house, and demanded I come home with them. They claimed I had run away. They claimed they had phoned the police. It was all lies. I didn't go with them that night, the next day Badboy was due in court, and I was going with him. I went home with Daddy and got some clothes, and a photo of me, which Badboy had asked for. The photo I gave him was a picture of me, in the baby club. I was wearing a v. v. short skirt, a purple top, and purple bunny ears. I was laughing and smiling at the camera, my arm around a friend. On the back of the photo, I wrote my phone number, address and how much I loved him.
The next day, going to court, I was nervous, shaking. They could take my man away from me, I was terrified. I spoke to his solicitor, she was asking how Badboy had been behaving since being with me. He had been a lot better since he was with me, I replied. She used what I said in court. I stood outside with his mum, smoking like a train, his mum hugged me and told me everything was going to be alright. She told me if Badboy was taken away, I was welcome at their house anytime, could stay if I had anymore family problems. I remember, before he went into court, he was laughing and joking with a friend who was also in court that day. I was furious, this was no laughing matter! But it was to them. When Badboy came out of the court, he picked me up and kissed me, he had gotten away with another 6 month driving ban. I was so happy!!
We continued in our relationship until one night, he came to here, and we went for a walk. As he walked me home, he decided to go into a shop and buy some beer. I went outside to make a phonecall to my dad, to tell him I would be home soon, and to ask if Badboy could stay the night. I watched as the car came to screaming halt in front of the shop. I watched as the 2 lads and 2 girls ran out of the car, and into the shop. I heard Badboy shout as I ran over, just as they left.
Badboy had been stabbed 3 times in the head with a screwdriver.
There was blood everywhere.
He called up his friends, got a collection of hammers and screwdrivers, and went looking for them. I was left, standing on the pavement, watching my baby, blood dripping down his head, face twisted into crazy, leave. They drove round looking for them all night, before taking Badboy to the hospital to be sewn up. The stitches were blue.
We stayed together for maybe a week. He had lost it. Was spending all his time with his friends, plotting how to get the bastards who did this. I heard a few weeks later, they had got one of them and rammed a screwdriver through his leg. I never knew if it was true.
The last time I spoke to him was in the February of 2004. I had a baby cousin due on his birthday, I was planning to go to college and take Law. He had moved out of his parents house and was living with friends. He was still single. I remember asking him to call me when he was on his own, it was too noisy where he was to hear what he was saying. He never called me back, and I never called him.
I see him from time to time. With his girlfriend and their children. I've heard that they aren't his. I hope they aren't. I believe in karma, I believe that if you're good, good things happen to you, and so maybe, just maybe, one day, I'll have him back. I still love him, and it hurts like hell.
Sam, that is not the life for you and you know it. You need to keep on keepin' on without him. You don't need that in your life. It's not worth it, darling...not worth it at all.
O.M.G.
No man is worth all that drama. Move on!
Believe me when I say I know the siren song of good sex, but you'll have more good sex in your life other than him.
You are too young to have experienced all that! Badboys are fun for awhile but they usually bring us heartache. You'll end up with someone great, just let him find you.
OH my SAM! I am sad to have read what you had to go through for quite some time! You don't need all those scares and drama ... you will find someone else that will love you more and not put you through all those scares!
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Well, it was kinda obvious who I was gonna go with don't you think? The grass is always greener and all that jazz. I had a guy pledging his undying love, and a guy kissing my best mate. Simple.
When Badboy took me home to met his mother, I didn't know what to expect. I certainly didn't expect a big girl like herself, with tiger tattoos and a fearsome reputation. And I certainly did not expect her to pull me aside, sit me down and have the strangest conversation of my life. Please bear in mind I was 15 at the time, him 17. 'I'm so glad my boy's decided to settle down' she says, looking straight at me, 'I'ma hoping you'll do him some good'. 'Well', I say, putting on a smile, 'I'll do my best'. 'Have you two thought about getting a flat together, maybe making me some grandkids?' she says. This is around the time my heart stopped beating. She was SHITTING me right? I mean, this had to be some kind of test, right? Wrong. Mama Badboy was serious, and I was in a whole lot of trouble.
Badboy had his heart set on some baby making too. About one week together, and his friends were asking if I was knocked up yet, Doris was already Godmother to our yet unconcieved child. His family had opended up and swallowed me whole. About this time, I was in Out Of School Education (where you get sent when you shouldn't really be playing with other kids) and here, I went to school 3 times a week, for 5 hours. The rest of the time was spent with Badboy.
Some times, we just lay in bed and watched tv. Sometimes we talked. But mostly it was shoplifting, drinking beer and driving around. And argued. I can't forget the arguing, can I? Once he took a knife, and sat at the top of the garden, and cut himself. It was a message to me 'Whatever you do, I can do better'. We once had a stand off in the kitchen, both holding kinives to our wrists, pleading with each other not to hurt themselves. The reason for the stand off? I had collapsed on his bathroom floor with a screaming flashback, someone touching me, fucking me, being too drunk to stop them. Badboy was my saviour, and my downfall. He made all the bad things I had go away, yet gave me new ones. I loved him with my whole heart, believing I had finally found the Clyde to my Bonnie, the Prince Eric to my Ariel. I was his princess, and his bitch.
Our sex life was fanatastic. The only problem? No protection. He wanted babies, and I wanted to give them to him. Of course, I didn't want to get pregnant, or have a child, but I wanted him, and giving him what he wanted was my new goal in life. I remember sitting up after sex, everytime, hoping and praying that it would all fall out, and we would be fine. I remember us deciding on names for the baby so we knew what to call the baby when I did get pregnant. I decided on Joshua for a boy, and Jennifer for a girl. To this day, I will always name my children those names we picked together, even if they're not his.
Our relationship lasted about five months. It may not seem long to anyone else, but it lasted a lifetime to me. Having sex in the park, when we had an argument at college (and that's why I'm not welcome there anymore) and he put his fist through a window, when he rubbed my feet whilst I forced him to watch Spongebob Squarepants with me, him feeding me yogurt, when he threatened me with a knife, stealing microwaves from Woolworths, sleeping on the streets, wearing sexy underwear his mother bought for me. It was a helluva ride.
Like when I got arrested with him. He was driving without a licence and they caught him, and me. Six hours I spent in a cell for him, me singing to piss off the pigs, laughing cause they couldn't stip search me (there was no female officer present) and wolf whistling at Badboy when they stripped him. I would have gone to hell and back for him. At this point, my daddy had thrown me out, I had no clothes, no phone, nothing except for an Eminem CD and a make up bag. I was living with Badboy, wearing his clothes, his mother buying me underwear and some tops (you get it now, dontcha?), barely eating. The night before I had stayed at a dealers house before running off because the pigs turned up, then sleeping under a car. The dealer found me and took me to Badboys because I was cold, drunk and upset. I remember waking Badboy up, climbing into bed with him, starting to do it before his brother walked in! Classic!
I was living his life now. To get money, you need to sell things. Things like microwaves, toasters, tires, anything. I remember playing lookout whilst they stole microwaves from Woolworths, just picking them up and walking out for them. The money went on cars and paying back debts. And beer. The cheapest, nastiest beer you can imagine. We hung out at his friends' flats, drinking our cheap beer, smoking pot, and making out. Some of time I was left with the girlfriends, listening to them talk about how their men beat them, about their children, and looking at them in their cheap clothes with their sad faces. What could I do? I was one of them.
Finally, my father allowed me home. When I say he allowed me, I mean he and my mother turned up at Badboy's house, and demanded I come home with them. They claimed I had run away. They claimed they had phoned the police. It was all lies. I didn't go with them that night, the next day Badboy was due in court, and I was going with him. I went home with Daddy and got some clothes, and a photo of me, which Badboy had asked for. The photo I gave him was a picture of me, in the baby club. I was wearing a v. v. short skirt, a purple top, and purple bunny ears. I was laughing and smiling at the camera, my arm around a friend. On the back of the photo, I wrote my phone number, address and how much I loved him.
The next day, going to court, I was nervous, shaking. They could take my man away from me, I was terrified. I spoke to his solicitor, she was asking how Badboy had been behaving since being with me. He had been a lot better since he was with me, I replied. She used what I said in court. I stood outside with his mum, smoking like a train, his mum hugged me and told me everything was going to be alright. She told me if Badboy was taken away, I was welcome at their house anytime, could stay if I had anymore family problems. I remember, before he went into court, he was laughing and joking with a friend who was also in court that day. I was furious, this was no laughing matter! But it was to them. When Badboy came out of the court, he picked me up and kissed me, he had gotten away with another 6 month driving ban. I was so happy!!
We continued in our relationship until one night, he came to here, and we went for a walk. As he walked me home, he decided to go into a shop and buy some beer. I went outside to make a phonecall to my dad, to tell him I would be home soon, and to ask if Badboy could stay the night. I watched as the car came to screaming halt in front of the shop. I watched as the 2 lads and 2 girls ran out of the car, and into the shop. I heard Badboy shout as I ran over, just as they left.
Badboy had been stabbed 3 times in the head with a screwdriver.
There was blood everywhere.
He called up his friends, got a collection of hammers and screwdrivers, and went looking for them. I was left, standing on the pavement, watching my baby, blood dripping down his head, face twisted into crazy, leave. They drove round looking for them all night, before taking Badboy to the hospital to be sewn up. The stitches were blue.
We stayed together for maybe a week. He had lost it. Was spending all his time with his friends, plotting how to get the bastards who did this. I heard a few weeks later, they had got one of them and rammed a screwdriver through his leg. I never knew if it was true.
The last time I spoke to him was in the February of 2004. I had a baby cousin due on his birthday, I was planning to go to college and take Law. He had moved out of his parents house and was living with friends. He was still single. I remember asking him to call me when he was on his own, it was too noisy where he was to hear what he was saying. He never called me back, and I never called him.
I see him from time to time. With his girlfriend and their children. I've heard that they aren't his. I hope they aren't. I believe in karma, I believe that if you're good, good things happen to you, and so maybe, just maybe, one day, I'll have him back. I still love him, and it hurts like hell.
Labels: Badboy, Reminiscing, Sex
Sam, that is not the life for you and you know it. You need to keep on keepin' on without him. You don't need that in your life. It's not worth it, darling...not worth it at all.
O.M.G.
No man is worth all that drama. Move on!
Believe me when I say I know the siren song of good sex, but you'll have more good sex in your life other than him.
You are too young to have experienced all that! Badboys are fun for awhile but they usually bring us heartache. You'll end up with someone great, just let him find you.
OH my SAM! I am sad to have read what you had to go through for quite some time! You don't need all those scares and drama ... you will find someone else that will love you more and not put you through all those scares!
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