Friday, November 28, 2008
Guide To Success
When being interviewed at a firm you have been to before for an interview, only for that to be cut short to due an error with the agency, remember to follow these steps for instant success*!
1. Ensure you are well prepared for your interview by freaking out about life in general and staying awake until 3am. Try and team this with an allergy attack for maximum discomfort.
2. If you succeeded with Step 1, you should now be waking up half an hour late, with one eye swollen completely shut due to the allergy attack. After peeling your eyelids apart, look in the mirror and shiek as you notice that one eye is hugely swollen and barely open, whilst the other is normal sized and bright. You should look like Quasimodo, after a bar fight. Due to the eye swelling, make up application will be hard and any eyeliner will immediately washed away due to consistant weeping.
3. Pull on the first 'smart' outfit that comes to hand, pin up your hair, brush teeth and then run out of the front door to catch the bus. Notice whilst you are putting your keys in your handbag that you have left your GUM clinic card in your bag. No time to go back, it's coming with you. Notice that you also do not have enough for your bus fare, so begin scraping change from the bottom of your bag so that you can buy a single.
4. Notice everyone at bus stop is staring at you.
5. When the bus arrives, take careful note to see that the bus driver looks at your swollen eye and gives you a look of pity. Also notice that school children are taking the piss out of you. Plug in iPod and try not to cry.
6. Arrive at destination where you have half an hour to kill, and it has begun to rain. Take refuge in the nearest supermarket and buy a bottle of juice.
7. When standing outside supermarket, smoking and drinking juice, note how the combination makes your breath smell of vomit. Try to cover smell with more juice. This is will not work however, so go back in supermarket and purchase gum. Begin walking to interview in pouring rain, which immediately soaks through trousers, ensuring discomfort when you are offered a seat in interview.
8. Spray self liberally with perfume to cover up smell of cigerettes and vomit.
9. Enter interview where you should repeat yourself whenever possible and tail off sentances with the phrase 'and things like that'. Try to make eye contact even though you can barely see out of one eye. Realise with horror that you haven't got any experience in this field, as the agency told you it was purchase ledger, when in fact, it is sales ledger. Survive interview. Go home.
*success in this instance may be defined as a post interview review of you having a lovely personality and would fit in well with the team, but someone else had more experience. Sorry.
You deserved the job after all that!!
Hope your eye is better.
Geez, that's crazy to go through all of that.
Hope you find a better job soon.
That really IS crazy. :(
Hope you find the right job soon. :)
Post a Comment
1. Ensure you are well prepared for your interview by freaking out about life in general and staying awake until 3am. Try and team this with an allergy attack for maximum discomfort.
2. If you succeeded with Step 1, you should now be waking up half an hour late, with one eye swollen completely shut due to the allergy attack. After peeling your eyelids apart, look in the mirror and shiek as you notice that one eye is hugely swollen and barely open, whilst the other is normal sized and bright. You should look like Quasimodo, after a bar fight. Due to the eye swelling, make up application will be hard and any eyeliner will immediately washed away due to consistant weeping.
3. Pull on the first 'smart' outfit that comes to hand, pin up your hair, brush teeth and then run out of the front door to catch the bus. Notice whilst you are putting your keys in your handbag that you have left your GUM clinic card in your bag. No time to go back, it's coming with you. Notice that you also do not have enough for your bus fare, so begin scraping change from the bottom of your bag so that you can buy a single.
4. Notice everyone at bus stop is staring at you.
5. When the bus arrives, take careful note to see that the bus driver looks at your swollen eye and gives you a look of pity. Also notice that school children are taking the piss out of you. Plug in iPod and try not to cry.
6. Arrive at destination where you have half an hour to kill, and it has begun to rain. Take refuge in the nearest supermarket and buy a bottle of juice.
7. When standing outside supermarket, smoking and drinking juice, note how the combination makes your breath smell of vomit. Try to cover smell with more juice. This is will not work however, so go back in supermarket and purchase gum. Begin walking to interview in pouring rain, which immediately soaks through trousers, ensuring discomfort when you are offered a seat in interview.
8. Spray self liberally with perfume to cover up smell of cigerettes and vomit.
9. Enter interview where you should repeat yourself whenever possible and tail off sentances with the phrase 'and things like that'. Try to make eye contact even though you can barely see out of one eye. Realise with horror that you haven't got any experience in this field, as the agency told you it was purchase ledger, when in fact, it is sales ledger. Survive interview. Go home.
*success in this instance may be defined as a post interview review of you having a lovely personality and would fit in well with the team, but someone else had more experience. Sorry.
Labels: Work
You deserved the job after all that!!
Hope your eye is better.
Geez, that's crazy to go through all of that.
Hope you find a better job soon.
That really IS crazy. :(
Hope you find the right job soon. :)
Post a Comment
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